Maybe... but...

My heart knows, and so does yours...

Because we share our souls.

We know we love,

we know we crave for a touch.

But the clock was stopped.

Freedom is no longer physical...

We're prisioners of our feelings,

and of a "when".. we don't know when it'll come.

I feel you've tried to fly,

You've struggled to leave the jail.

Don't be afraid, my love.

Don't be afraid of being yourself.

Don't be afraid of going,

Don't fear my feelings.

Don't be afraid of hurting,

Don't be afraid of your wishes.

I don't need compassion.

Maybe a bit of protection,

But I'll be always strong...

I'm in the fight to get hurt,

Scratches are already there.

If you release my hand,

I promise I won't fall.

I promise I won't give up.

I promise I'll be always here,

I promise you'll have me by your side,

even a million miles away.

I won't love you less.

I won't forget what we lived.

I won't.

I won't quit the fight for you, for my dreams.

It hurts me more to realize all this myself than if you get courage to say.

She knew

And so she waited...

She knew something should come soon.

She knew the content, she knew the length.

She knew the butterflies in her belly when the red sign popped up.

She knew it would bring relief and joy.

She knew how smooth and soft those words would feel like.

She knew she'd carry shiny eyes for the rest of the day.

She knew how she would take it as a quote to pass the day with.

She knew because it used to be there so more often.

She knew it would come for the special day.

She got the silence though... and it screams to her deafness.

What's the limit?

Sky's the limit...

When you spin around and lean on the other foot not to fall.

Limit is inside...

When a 2 thousand kg rock lays on your chest and gets you breathless.

Defeat limits...

When you up the head and doesn't see choices anymore.

Fear limits...

When you want to stop crying, and wondering, and wishing.

Disappointment limits...

When you walk on tiptoes not to step tiny, sharp rocks.

The limitations of the world...

When you feel like yelling at life, at a "they" you don't know the faces of.

Whose is the fight? What's the fight for? How to use the swords? When's the victory celebration?

Someone knocks the door at midnight... no! don't sack him! He's not a criminal... he just appreciates your porch's protection.

Autorreflexão

Eis o tipo de postagem que não pressupõe um leitor: um blog secreto, divulgado para poucas pessoas que leem em Português. Eu não preciso um ombro, anyway.... preciso de uma tela em branco e emoções para serem transcritas em palavras.

Já li em algum livro sagrado que "sem amor eu nada seria". Comparativamente ao que tenho vivido, posso jurar que o amor leva ao niilismo. Quando o outro te toma o pensamento 24 horas por dia, não te sobra tempo para olhar a si próprio, amar-se efetivamente e bastar-se para ser feliz.

O amor faz do amanhã o ideal de hoje.... não sei o que me trará o amanhã, portanto o hoje não faz mais sentido. Olho para os lados e tudo parece fora do lugar... ou quem está fora do lugar sou eu? Olho para dentro de mim e tudo parece fora do lugar... ou o lugar de fora não cabe dentro de mim?

Assustadoramente, começo a compreender o fluxo de pensamento Wertheriano. Me chame de pessimista, de louca, lunática, idiota, fraca... é o meu lado mais podre, talvez... mas é o lado aflorado por esse sentimento que me sufoca pelas limitações de tempo e espaço combinadas.

Na verdade, me sinto vulnerável. O controle da situação escorre entre meus dedos como areia seca na orla da praia. Vem o vento e a espalha...

Fecho os olhos e deixo a vida me levar. Uma lágrima molha o chão aqui, outra ali... um sorriso ilumina o caminho aqui, outro ali. O que está dentro do peito, talvez vá me matando aos poucos... talvez seja a fonte da minha vida.

Where's heaven?

She's sitting on the sidewalk and looking to the sky.

The hot summer wind hits her face and leaves an angry texture.

Where's heaven? She was supposed to be talking to angels.

Where's heaven? All she's looking for is happiness.

Where's heaven? She feels like in a prision.

What's the meaning of life?

Who's the guider? What's the map?

They'd told me if I wished it with my heart, I'd get it...

I did...

Wasn't love supposed to win?

Christmas will be season with salty tears.

MYTH

Somewhere - an old, yellowish, sacred book

T'was stated we'd once see

Some things in you were like everything in me

How many pieces of my split soul

Had I left behind? I'll never know...

You blew your voice, I picked the melody

It's like we're in and out each other's mind

You're my myth, my missing half

A logic Einstein would never sustain,

That gods would consider profane

I'll break gravity laws to go and touch you

I'll make a bridge, I'll fly away...

In the wind blow

While clouds move

And sun shines

I'll sing a song for you.

So far away, but so in me.

SQUARES

I walk around the world paying attention

To colors I don’t know the name

Almodóvar colors, Frida Kalo colors, colors

I toddle in the dark, I pay close attention

To what my brother listens to

And like a second skin, a callus, a protective capsule

I want to arrive earlier

To signal the being of each thing, filter its degrees

I walk around the world amusing people, crying on the telephone

And seeing hunger hurt in hungry boys and girls

Through the bedroom window, throught the car window

Through the screen, through the window

Who’s she, whos’s she?

I see everything framed

Remote control 

I walk around the world

And what are cars in a rush for?

Where are kids in a rush to?

I transit between two sides of one side

I like the opposites

I expose my mode, I show myself

Who do I sing for?

I walk around the world

And my friends, where are they?

My joy, my fag...

And my Love, where are you?

I woke up

There’s no one by my side. 

(Translation from Adriana Calcanhoto's song)